


Sugar and Spice

by 144_bees



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Mildly Dubious Consent, Pet Names, barbara fucks up somewhat which surprises exactly nobody, barbara's beautiful curls, barbara's ingenious dumbass plans, lee is a literal saint, they work it out though i swear it's all good, thompkean week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 12:36:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16040618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/144_bees/pseuds/144_bees
Summary: Written for Thompkean Week!Day 2: Fake Relationship





	Sugar and Spice

"So let me get this straight..."

Barbara groans loudly, drowning out her next words.

"Were you listening? That's what we want to avoid, babe!"

"I'm always listening and, by the way, heard no mention of pet names."

"That's just a Barbara Kean special, muffin. Pudding."

Lee rolls her eyes, missing Barbara's borderline unhinged smile as she whispers "gummy worm" .

Her next class is starting in ten minutes and Lee doesn't have time to waste on other people's drama. Unfortunately, as a rule you can only get rid of Barbara once she's satisfied, so Lee steels herself, ready to get to the likely unpleasant bottom of this.

"Okay, nevermind. Let's rewind a little – you were talking very fast and I got maybe half of the story. You had a fight with Tabitha. Okay. Why did you come to me?"

In a gesture so big and dramatic it nearly hits a passing student in the face, Barbara flings her hands in the air. Presumably it's meant to convey despair.

"No, that's not it at all! Look, we were at a bar. And Selina called me a bitch - totally out of nowhere, by the by."

Lee nods, expression skeptical.

"And then Ivy was like "you're always so mean, no wonder nobody likes you" and then Jim agreed and Oswald said something smarmy and stupid and-"

"This story sounds fake," Lee notes, while Barbara's still talking.

"And fucking Nygma was there and he fucking clapped!"

Okay, that bit is plausible. Lee purses her lips, waiting for Barbara to get the dramatic pause over with and cut to the punchline.

"And then Tabitha said I'll never ever have a genuine loving relationship because I'm a fake and a liar."

"So?"

"So I'll prove her wrong by pretending to date you!"

Lee wishes she had literally any superpower that would allow her to opt out of this conversation as soon as possible. Invisibility, teleportation, you name it. Even turning into an animal would be good. Definitely not mind reading, though. Lee looks at Barbara — who's still talking, jesus christ — with no small amount of horror at the thought. At least she doesn't have to listen to her literal stream of consciousness as well. 

"Basically, I'm brilliant and everyone wins! When are you ready to start?"

"Start fake dating you?"

"Yeah, dummy, what else!"

It's just her and Barbara sitting at the table by this point, making Lee realize the break's almost over. She gets up, shouldering her bag in a swift motion and looks down at the other girl.

"Look, I don't have time for this - and I mean it in the nicest way possible. If I wanted to pick up acting, I'd take a drama course."

Barbara's starting to open her mouth again, but no, Lee has class and no amount of whining can sway her.

"My answer is no. And I don't think I need to explain why proving anything with a fake relationship is absurd," she stops for a second, before adding, "and cliche."

Lee quickly turns and power walks out of the cafeteria before Barbara can come up with a comeback. She's nearly late for class, but makes it on time and forgets all about Barbara's middle school schemes.

~

Lee doesn't think about Barbara's offer at all the next day. She does think about how much she's not thinking about it though. It's really a pity Barbara can't let go of this desire to prove things to everyone at all times. Lee had enough classes together with the girl to know there's more to her than acting out and attention seeking but god, Barbara does make it hard to like her.

Just as Lee's thinking that, waiting for a coffee machine to churn out her pitiful americano, she hears a screech that, she knows immediately, signals the beginning of an end.

"Sweet pea! There you are!"

Barbara wastes no time in going in for a kill, plastering herself all over Lee's back as she hugs her from behind. Lee groans under her breath.

"Are you shitting me?"

"Shhh, you'll give us away," is whispered back, "Oswald and Ivy are right there."

That's not a lie, at least. Out of the corner of her eye Lee does notice a mass of different shades of black together with obnoxiously loud colors which can really only be the odd duo in question.

Lee considers throwing Barbara off, but decides it's not really worth the effort. Plus, she smells nice, perfume an oddly pleasant mix of sweet and spicy. It's not nice enough to make Lee play along though.

"What am I going to give away exactly?" she wonders, voice still quiet enough not to be overheard. "I said no to your idea, remember?"

"Come on, Lee..." Barbara whines, voice sugary sweet and silky smooth. "You know I'll make it up to you!"

Her hand snakes around Lee's waist to grab the finished coffee. She steals a small taste, smiling coyly, before handing it to Lee with a giggle.

Lee is glad she has her back to Oswald and Ivy because otherwise Barbara's cover would be blown straight away. Or, well, maybe glad is the wrong word.

"Barbara, you know you have nothing I want, right? I have zero incentive to get involved in this."

Barbara giggles again, likely to keep up appearances, because her eyes are getting wider and wider in a desperate kind of way.

"But it's going to be so fun! Isn't that what counts?"

"Not to me, no."

"Okay, got it!" Barbara claps her hands, than immediately points at Lee and boops her on the nose, "I'm not gonna go away until you agree — and when you do, it'll be over before you know it. How's that?"

Lee looks long and hard at Barbara as she sips her coffee, weighing her options. On one hand, the whole thing is ridiculous and she has better things to do with her time. On the other, well. It's not like she actively dislikes Barbara. The girl is a bit exhausting with how hyper he is, but Lee always found it fun to watch her shenanigans from afar. Maybe Barbara is even more exciting up close... Lee's common sense puts up a fair fight but is no match for her curiosity and bad judgement, god help her.

Lee sighs and moves closer to Barbara, as if to kiss her on the cheek. Instead, she breathes into her ear, "Tricking Jim may be slightly worth it. I'm giving you a week."

As she leans back, Lee almost misses Ivy's gasp, distracted by Barbara's blinding smile that, for the first time, is aimed solely, entirely at her.

~

Lee never in her life had such a long week. It's also surprisingly enjoyable. Barbara is present for most of it, and every moment they spend together somehow is so much more vivid and intense than Lee is used to. Barbara's energy, it seems, is contagious among other things.

Barbara insists on walking Lee wherever she goes, swinging their linked hands back and forth. On their way, she points out all the people she knows and then relays all the gossip she's heard about them. Despite herself, Lee's impressed. She goes to school with these people but can barely remember their names, let alone any saucy life details.

Barbara tells story after story, giggling at her own cattiness, and makes Lee laugh more times than she can count. 

Barbara joins Lee during breaks, cuddles her, buys her coffee. Lee isn't sure if it's just Barbara's taking their act absurdly seriously or if they really are under constant surveillance, but whenever she starts to have doubts, Barbara inevitably points out at least one pair of watchful eyes in their vicinity.

The time Jim catches them with Barbara's head in Lee's lap is particularly satisfying.

All told, it's not too difficult to play along. Barbara soaks in every affectionate gesture like a sponge, and gives back twofold. She is oddly considerate too and while they never explicitly discussed boundaries of their fake relationship, it feels as if Barbara drew those lines in the sand anyway and tries her best not to cross them. They touch and embrace but avoid kissing. Barbara never gets handsy or pushy. She's careful not to make Lee late anywhere and doesn't get in the way if Lee has to read or revise between classes. It's surprisingly comfortable, actually. Lee starts to really question Tabitha's words — or perhaps it's just Barbara's side of the story. The girl is loud, impulsive and capricious but she's far from unlikable. The thought Lee quickly shelves, because, really, that's neither here nor there. This ends when the week ends and they aren't even friends.

~

They spend so much time together, it apparently makes sense to Barbara to invite herself over to Lee's dorm. Her roommate left as part of an exchange programme for a semester so they have the room all to themselves.

It's as Barbara's lounging on the unoccupied bed that she asks, "The week ends saturday, right?"

Lee hums, not looking up from highlighting a passage of her homework.

"Wanna go to Harvey's party?"

That gets Lee's attention.

"Bullock's throwing a party?" she asks in disbelief. Is it even a party if it takes place in his room with a couple of friends, a pack of beer and lots of dirty laundry?

Barbara looks scandalized.

"What? No! I mean Dent, obviously."

Lee ignores her quiet mutterings with a few mentions of Bullock and lots of choice words and mulls the idea over. Sure, why not end their tryst with a bang. Pun not intended.

"I don't see why not," she offers, back to her reading.

"Everyone's going to be there! Finally, I'll show them!" Barbara starts laughing like a Disney villain, but her words make Lee pause and look away from her studies again.

"You think it worked?"

"Oh, sure! I'm a fantastic actress and you're not bad yourself."

"No, I mean," Lee idly tugs on an earring, as she picks her next words. "what are you trying to prove, exactly? They know you can get a date - at least half of them are your exes."

"This isn't just a date," Barbara insists. She sits up on her knees, bouncing a little as she speaks. "We're a couple! Allegedly. And they're going to see how sweet we are together and realize they underestimated me!"

"But it's just surface level fluff. So what if you whisper in my ear a lot? It doesn't prove we have a loving a relationship of whatever it is you want."

"I never said I wanted it," Barbara answers sharply. " _They_ told me I can't have it and I want to prove them wrong!"

"And then we're gonna immediately "break up"?"

"That doesn't matter! I'll say you needed space or something."

Lee closes her book with a sigh.

"Look, Barbara. I'm sorry to burst your bubble, truly, but this isn't going to work," she catches on to how break up-y her words sound and adds hastily, slightly flustered, "The plan, I mean. Even if they believe we like each other, why would this be any different from what you had with any of them?"

"Because it's you!"

Lee glances at the other girl, surprised. Barbara has a deer in the headlight look but shakes herself and gets up from the bed.

"You have integrity, Lee! A reputation. Even if we break up after a week, _that doesn't matter_. Because a girl like you would never get with-" she clears her throat, abruptly, before finishing, "with the kind of person they think I am. It's going to work."

Lee's having a hard time trying to unpack what she just heard but doesn't get a chance to ask Barbara anything else because with a short "see you" she leaves the room.

~

The next day Barbara keeps waltzing in and out of Lee's routine, always nearby to keep up the pretense but never getting close enough to, say, actually talk to each other. Lee knows Barbara is mad at her but doesn't know why and, honestly, it all seems rather petulant. So, yeah, Lee is pissed too. Maybe even more than Barbara but okay, it's not a competition.

Though they are severely lacking in the conversation department, Barbara's pet names persevere. Lee just lets them wash over her at this point. Giving Barbara any kind of reaction only encourages her to switch from your regular fair to things like "baby carrot" or "sugar sauce". For some reason they are all food based. Frankly, Lee doesn't mind the cutesy habit itself — it's silly but sweet. Barbara's seeming obsession is a little more troubling. At this point the whole thing is starting to look like an elaborate game of pet name chicken.

Lee doesn't get it. Barbara's switch from smothering to icy cold, her childish behaviour or the stubborn desire to parade their fake relationship. She's obviously troubled but doesn't want to talk or do anything productive about it, slapping an eye catching band aid on top instead. By the end of the day Lee doesn't know what she wants to do more — shake Barbara or hug her. Both at once would be good. She still has one single day to do it too: next is saturday, and after that, freedom. Then Lee's washing her hands off of Barbara. She repeats it to herself a few times before going to bed, as if the more she says it, the truer it becomes.

Barbara is nowhere to be seen on saturday, so Lee attends her classes in blissful silence. She concentrates on the new material and refuses to acknowledge how bored she is.

Her phone pings with a text in the evening.

_"Ready, buttercup?"_

Lee is, in fact, ready, so she touches up her lipstick and leaves the dorm to meet with her date.

Barbara looks stunning, which, judging by her smug grin, she's fully aware of. As soon as Lee comes close, the girl snatches her hand and they're off.

It's as if the recent distance between them ceased to exist. Barbara's loud and cheerful, talking a mile a minute — and, in her own words, she's not even drunk yet! They get to the party in a blur, Lee overwhelmed with Barbara after going almost two days without. She missed her, Lee realizes with a start. In just a few days she went and got attached. Bad judgement, Lee reminds herself, as they get to the bustling building and enter the fray.

The music is loud, bass pulsing through the walls, floors, and Lee herself. She's briefly disoriented but Barbara keeps a tight grip on her hand, tugging her through the sea of dancing, laughing, yelling people. She finds them drinks in record time and shoos a few freshmen off a still miraculously dry couch. Barbara sits on the edge daintily and pats the space next to her, winking at Lee. 

They drink something that obviously has vodka in it, but still takes Lee a few plastic cups to start feeling tipsy. Barbara acts like she chugged a few bottles, which Lee pretty sure is an act. She is a decent actress and at least she chose to play the part of a giggly and affectionate drunk tonight. 

Barbara rests her head on Lee's shoulder, whispering each and every thought that enters her head. Blond curls are tickling Lee's cheeks and nose but she doesn't move, content to sit like this, breathing in Barbara's perfume. Even in the hectic world of a billion scents, sounds and colours, it's still perfectly clear to her, sweet and spicy.

"Don't you want to dance?" Lee asks her, hugging Barbara closer by the waist. The girl purrs in reply, but shakes her head, curls nearly getting into Lee's mouth.

"This is the best strategic point in the room, I can see everyone from here."

"Why do you- ah. For your plan, you mean."

"Of course! We're not just here to have fun, you know."

Lee kind of wishes they were, but it's a bit too late for that. It's then that she sees Selina and Tabitha enter the room, some huge guy trailing after them with a sheepish smile. Barbara tenses immediately and, after a second of indecision, turns to Lee, away from the doorway.

"Did they see us? Are they watching?" she whispers.

"Uh. I think so?" Lee glances at the trio and catches Selina's eye. Tabitha is saying something to the guy, but he too is definitely looking in their direction.

"Good," Barbara looks like she steels herself, and dives in.

Just before their lips crash together, there's a split second of stillness, Like Barbara's giving her some blink-and-you'll-miss-it chance to pull away. Then they're kissing. Barbara is doing most of the work, somehow awfully loud even now. It's different up close. Just like everything else with Barbara, it's different like this. She hums and moans into the kiss and the vibrations make Lee shudder. It's all there is, the pulsing of music, Barbara's intimate noises, her hot, wet mouth. Lee responds eagerly, hands cupping the back of Barbara's neck. It's incredible, all of it, until Lee makes the mistake of opening her eyes. 

In the background, out of focus, she sees the commotion, faces staring at them, hears a few familiar voices. She pulls back to whisper urgently, "Barbara, they're staring."

"Of course they are," she purrs, "That's the point. Let's put on a show."

"No," Lee tries to disentangle, but Barbara's hands clutch desperately at her shoulders.

"Stay, please."

She can't believe this is the end of it. Lee never imagined Barbara would sink so low.

"Barbara, stop. It's demeaning."

Lee expects to hear more protests, but none come. Barbara's hands lower, her face scrunched up in a grimace.

If Barbara was the kind of person to apologize, Lee would expect to hear a litany of sorrys right about now. She isn't though, and they both know it.

Lee feels used and the whispers and mutters around them make it worse. She's about to leave when she sees a dark smudge of her lipstick near Barbara's lower lip. Lee leans forward and, gently, wipes it off with her thumb. Then she gets up and leaves.

It's dark and quiet outside, a shock after the party's assault on all of Lee's senses. Fresh air sobers her up, calms her down. This is exactly what Barbara's initial story was about, she thinks. Exactly the kind of impulsive self-centeredness Barbara's infamous for. Lee is angry to be made a spectacle of but even worse is the sense of betrayal. They were never dating, but this thing of theirs was good. It made her feel cared for, more than some of her real relationships did. And all of it, Barbara ruined for a chance to show off to people whose opinion she barely respects. And, hell, that was the plan. But not like this.

Their charade looks to Lee like a scaled down blueprint of Barbara's usual song and dance. This here, probably, is the standard breaking point. Barbara pushes too far, the other person gets fed up, and just like that, it's over. Lee briefly remembers Barbara sitting on a bed across the room, eyes wide and determined. Insisting Lee's different. Maybe she was right.

Because, the thing is, Lee can leave now, forget their scheme. It's probably past midnight anyway. Instead, against all odds, against better judgement - hers and all the others' before her, she goes back inside.

Their strategic couch is empty and Barbara is nowhere to be seen. A few songs begin and end as Lee searches – or maybe it's just one really long song playing on a loop, who knows. She finds Barbara in the backyard, standing next to Tabitha. She's hugging herself but still somehow manages to look defiant. A bit cornered too.

"I'm not saying you faked a relationship, like some big conspiracy. But you proved my point. You don't care about anyone but yourself, Barb. And sooner or later, people around you realize that and leave. No offence."

"Oh I'm fully fucking offended and you know it! Is it nice sitting there on your high horse, Tabby? Sure, I'm a bitch, but at least I was always upfront, not stringing you along until someone better showed up!"

Well, that explains a lot. Tabitha snorts.

"You realize that describes pretty much everyone, right? Compared to you."

Right then, Barbara's eyes finally meet hers. Lee expects her to react in a multitude of ways - every single one loud and dramatic. Nothing happens. Barbara doesn't even nod or give her any kind of signal, just stares at Lee for a bit, face blank. Then turns back to Tabitha, who still hasn't noticed her.

"Even your new girl left. And I don't know her personally, but Thompkins is said to be some kind of a saint, right? Sounds too good for you anyway."

"There you are, honey!"

Barbara jumps like Lee electrocuted her, but she goes on. "Sorry I was gone for so long! That call took a while and then I just couldn't find you."

Reaching Barbara, Lee leans in to kiss her on the cheek. She smiles at Barbara's shell shocked expression and adds in a lower voice, "I missed you, muffin."

Turning to the other girl, Lee sticks her hand out.

"Tabitha, right? Lee Thompkins. I don't think we've officially met."

Tabitha, who's been quietly watching the scene unfold, eyes her hand suspiciously, before shaking it.

"Sure. Nice to meet you."

Lee smiles wider and hopes Tabitha noticed the lack of "likewise" in the following silence. She turns to Barbara, who still hasn't said a word since she joined them.

"Sorry, I know you were looking forward to this, but is it okay if we leave? I'm a bit tired."

"Sure thing, cherry pie," her smile looks weak and strained, but Lee counts it as a win.

Tabitha nods as they leave. At least she's decent enough not to drag Barbara in front of others, Lee thinks. And honestly, she doesn't doubt Barbara deserved at least some of her resentment, but she still feels bad for the girl, who at this point is so quiet Lee's starting to worry.

The empty streets are chilly and they both shiver on their way back to the dorm, until Lee steps closer and puts an arm around Barbara's waist. A few steps later Barbara does the same. They sway a bit, hold on each slightly awkward, but at least they're not as cold anymore.

"You shouldn't have kissed me like that," Lee says, finally.

"I know."

"Should have asked first."

What's common sense for Lee is, apparently, a revelation for Barbara, judging by her confused expression.

"I thought it wouldn't be as bad because we weren't really dating," she sighs, then cringes. "In hindsight, it was kind of worse, huh?"

Lee hums, thumb rubbing soothing circles into the fabric of Barbara's dress.

"Tabitha's right."

"What?"

"You are selfish. It's something you should actively work on if you want to keep people in your life."

Barbara's about to snap back with something they both will regret, so Lee hurries to finish her thought.

"She is very wrong too."

Barbara stops and Lee stops with her. She turns to the other girl, places both hands on her shoulders. Barbara's avoids looking her in the eye, but Lee can work with that.

"Barbara, you're not unlovable. You can be mean and petty and you never think before saying or doing dumb shit, but there's more to you than that. And while I'm all for growth... you're not a complete disaster. I had fun with you, just the way you are."

They probably look a sight, having a heart to heart in the middle of an empty sleeping campus in their impractical sparkly dresses. Barbara looks a bit teary eyed which Lee graciously ignores.

"I'm sorry I fucked it up near the end," Barbara says finally, voice a bit rough. "And for being such a nag in the first place. I know you'd never give me a chance for real."

Lee smiles fondly.

"You did kind of bully me into it."

Barbara chuckles, and they both end up giggling. As they settle, the silence between them is lighter.

"You never asked me," Lee says, abruptly.

"Asked what?"

"Out, for real. You never asked me."

Barbara groans, her usual dramatic tone creeping back in.

"Haven't I suffered enough humiliation for one night, pancake?"

Lee chokes on a laugh.

"Ran out of the good ones?"

"There are only so many desserts in the world, let's face it," Barbara shrugs.

Barbara will have to get real creative real soon if she wants to keep this up, Lee decides. She kind of looks forward to it.

"Well, come on. Ask."

"Why?"

Lee bites her lip to keep herself from smiling like a loon.

"So I can say yes."

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this in a very short amount of time, so apologies if it's a bit of a mess. also i don't hate tabitha, promise! i just don't really get her. that said, she so does have her reasons to be mad at barbara. tabitha's valid, folks, you heard it here first!


End file.
